Birthday Wishes

Everyone of us has birthday wishes. We say it when we blow our candles or even without candles. This is what we believe that it is more granted when we wished it during birthdays. Some of us has the same wishes as we celebrate birthdays. Some just changed it maybe because they are already granted or they just change their priorities.

Me, I only have the same wishes every year. It just that there are some additionals. Hehehehe!!! It doesn't mean that they are not yet granted. It's just that I want it to be continued. As what I have said, I have the same wishes as of last year. It matters about family and studies. Love life could be an additional. Hehehehe. For my family, it should be health for all of us especially for my parents. My wish is more on my parents. That they should be safe always. They should be away from sickness or diseases. They should be happy all the time. There wishes and prayers will be granted. And God will always protect them from evils. This is what I prioritized when I"m praying. For my sister and me, our dreams will be come true. For my studies, God will send the Holy Spirit to enlighten me so I will be able to catch up quickly our lessons and to be able to finish the course I'm taking up today which is surely be one of the reasons for the happiness of my parents. Also, I'm wishing that God will always remind me to be a good servant to him and be able to do my mission here on earth. :) And for my love life, I'm wishing that I could find someone who will treat me importantly and who will love me for what and who I am and not for what and whom he want me to be. I know heartaches exists together with love but i'm hoping that i wouldn't be like before. Hehehe.

And lastly, I hope my wishes will be granted. GOD bless!!!

What can I say about the 20th chapter of my life?

...Life is what you make it.

I always heard this line. Upon hearing this, questions comes to my mind. How do I live my life? How do I make life? Do I'm making it worthy?

Being in this world for more than 20 years, I can say that my life is miserable yet enjoyable. It was because of some of my decisions which I thought was right but suddenly, I knew, it wasn't at all. My 20 years of existence has been a roller coaster. That's what life should compare to. There were ups and downs yet we were still here, standing and able to survive what we have undergone. In these 20 years, I have shed many tears because of problems or trials I had. Family, Friendship, studies and love life are all that matters. Matters which make me sad yet also the reason why I'm still able to smile. It's part of growing up. They are part of my journey. These matters are the reason why I became the person I am now. Crying is human. Laughing is human. Envy is human. Sad is human. I'm just living a normal life. And normal life doesn't give you heaven but also hell. Hell which could be sometimes the reason why you feel heaven afterwards. Life would be boring if it is always give you happiness. We could not appreciate happiness without getting sad.

There's nothing in my past I am regretting for. Without those experience of mine, good or bad, I will never be the one I am now today. It helps me to be a strong person. It gives and teach me many lessons which could I use in handling things tomorrow and so on. This is what i always bear in my mind; whatever with the past has gone, the best are always yet to come.

My 21st Birthday

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that counts. It's the life in your years."
 - Abraham Licoln

Time runs fast. Another year had passed. Everybody is growing old. Whoaaaaaaa!!!


It was like yesterday when I celebrated my 20th birthday. This year, month ago, June 20, Wednesday, I consecrated my 21st birthday. Another year was added to my age. Hmmmmp. Just like last year, I celebrated it with friends, same venue, at Panny's Bakeshop but it was my another group of friends. They were my buddies in school. We think the same most of the time. I never thought of celebrating my birthday. Being alive and able to have this age is enough for me. I just planned to go to church and then went home so I would be with my family during that special dayof mine. It was myfriend who convinced me to celebrate my birthday in Panny's. She convinced me to buy cake, balloon and birthday hats and took pictures. She said it was just once in a year that I should make the most out of it. She said I should do what I want on my birthday. I was convinced. I agreed. She's right. Birthday comes once in a year and who knows I wouldn't be able to celebrate my 22nd anymore. KNOCK ON WOOD. Hehehe. So, I did what she said. We went to Panny's bakeshop, buy cake, have my name written on it, hats and candles. They were the one who bought balloons. And then, we took many pictures. As far as I remember , it was my first time to blow a candle on my birthday. In fact, I never tried children's party on my childhood years. But it's okay, I understand. My parents can't afford that kind of party. What I'm used to is only family dinner which I find fun and enjoyable. Family and relatives with me is enough to consider my celebration of birthday a complete one. With what we did, I find it more fun. Although I was shy with the other customers inside the bakeshop. They were looking at us. I'm acting like a kid as I wear a birthday hat. Hehehe. I just don't mind them. The important is I was able to do what I want to during my birthday. Even if I wasn't able to do all, at least, I did some of it.


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How was Second Semester for me?

Second semester is the other half to complete the whole school year. For other students, they may find it the same with the first semester. While some may consider it as different and more fun than the first. I'm one of these people.

I found second semester more enjoyable than on the first semester. It is because, there are few celebrations in it. One of these is Christmas party for the students. Two is the College day. Partying and bonding with the other students with different departments is a great fun. It is when you can have more friends. The other reason why I love second semester is that it is when I got my friends closer to me. It is when I got to know them more. With a long period of time with them, they became more part of my life and give emphasis to what I am now. Even if we were striving for those tiring and sleepless nights, my friends are one of those people why I enjoyed my schooling. I owe a lot to them. I'm so glad to have them.

Now, I'm looking forward for the coming semesters of the new school year. I'm hoping for great events and great happenings with my great friends. God bless!

My Feeling Towards Graduation Day 2

As I was saying, I was supposed to be graduated last March but unfortunately, I didn't. This is what makes me sad. Others may see me smiling but inside, it's hurting. Until now, I can't accept the fact that I was not one of the graduates. But what else I can do but to just accept it. It make take a long time but I know, I'll get there to the acceptance stage.

I always say I salute those who graduated this year. On the other hand, I envy them. Not a little but I envy them VERY MUCH. I envy them for they made their parents proud and happy. I envy them because they already get their diplomas. I envy them since they are on the stage of new journey. I envy them for they were out in school life. I envy them for they can earn their own money. I envy them for they will have already chance to return the goodness and sacrifices of their parents. I envy them because they can already help their parents financially.

 I have many reasons to get envy to them. All I can do is to get envy and relieving myself for the thought I can be one of them. On the other hand, I think that if only I follow my parents, I am one of them but I am afraid to regret since I don't want to entertain the fact that I regreted that I took up my dreamed course. I can't afford to think that I regreted nursing course. I was hoping I'll get what I want for my parents. Wish me luck! God bless.

My Feeling Towards Graduation Day 1

What makes my parents happy is what I dream for. To be graduated and get my diploma is what I aim for since this is what makes my parents happy. To make them happy is my ultimate goal in life.

Last March, I was supposed to be graduated and have a degree, but, I didn't. It's because I shifted course from BS Nursing to BS Accountancy. My parents never liked my previous course since it was so expensive. Yet, they still follow what I want and let me proceed to my dreamed course which is BS Nursing. I was so happy that time that they let me take this course. But, 2 years passed, they can no longer sustain my tuition fee since it is expensive that's why, they asked me to shift a course which in the first place they liked. I was sad that time and consider myself as desperate. I think and think of anything that could make me continue the course that I love. But, chance didn't let me. With sadness in my face and dismay for what happened, I found myself enrolling another course which is my course now. I never see myself being an accountancy student but, I became what I never wanted. Every corners in our house and my bed in my boarding house witnessed those sleepless night thinking about the happenings in my life. I cried and cried. I didn't let my parents knew that I cried since I don't want them to worry. Only my sister knew what I feel inside which is pain. It takes months for me to be okay. Whenever I cried, my sister comforted me. Whenever I cried in our home, I never released voice, just a silent cry for my parents would not be disturb in their sleeps.

Wanna know my feelings during graduation? just follow me in my next entry. See you!

Take care and have a beautiful day!

My 20th Birthday

Many birthday greeting on my phone. Thanks to all of you!

Birthday is a day or anniversary to celebrate person's date of birth. This is to commemorate the very first day of our existence here on earth. I know that all humans celebrate their birthday, either in a silent way or through a party or dinner.

I remember when I was a kid. I was always excited when my birthday came. I was excited with the gifts and the party. Well, it was not a big party as you may think; it was just a simple party where my family and relatives gathered in our house for dinner and some chats or a videoke (sing-along). Although my family and relatives on maternal side always come together for other reasons as well, gathering because of birthdays is different. I find it more fun and awesome. Maybe because we were celebrating the very special days of our lives!

And now that I'm already 20 years old, no longer a baby, I still had this feeling of excitement when my birthday was coming. It's not because of the gifts. It's just that I was excited to receive greetings from the people who are important in my life. They are the people who did a great part in making me for who I am now. That's why I took a picture of those messages. Upon receiving messages from mommy Ritchiele Gelsano, Jeralden Bolo, mommy Jonilyn Esclamado, ate Margarita Almeda, Mary Grace Badeo, grandfather Georg Sander,  and Donna Rose Espinal, my special day is half-way complete. Half-way since they serve as half of my life. Without them, my life would be meaningless. It was my way of thanking them and I am so proud for they greeted me. To celebrate my birthday this year, I didn't have a party. It was just a dinner with family and relatives but before that, we went to church altogether. For me, parties and gifts are not important as long as those people I love are there for me. It means a lot to me. They are more precious than any gifts. On the day after my birthday, my friends (Yhing and Mommy Ritchiele) treated me on a snacks. I wasn't surprise with this. Lol. It's just, I don't expect anything from them as long as they remember me, it's all I am wanted for.

Yhing, me and Mommy Ritchiele eating cake

I am thankful to them for that kind of effort they have done for me. First of all, I thank God for giving me chance to borrow this life to experience on how to live this world he had created for us. Second is to my parents who take good care of me from the day I was still in my mother's womb until now that I am a older. Hehehe! I thank those people behind this life of mine. And lastly, whether you are haters or lovers, I thank you since you are the reasons why I am stronger now. I can say that I am so lucky since I am well-loved by those people I mentioned and also by many more people that I have not mentioned above.

Each of us is a gift made by God so we should be thankful with it through celebrating it. Before the celebration, it is God we should thank first. Celebrate it with God since if it is not because of him, we couldn't have this wonderful life that we had. All I'm wishing for is good health and long live for me and for those people I love. I hope, this year will become a fruitful one for me. God Bless everyone!

Fight for the cake. Hehehe. But we all got enough cake.

Moving On: A 3-Step Process

"Baby, I found someone new. Will you set me free?"

"This relationship is not working. It is better to end this."

"Oh, I"m sorry darling, but I'm not inlove with you anymore."

Ouch! It hurts, right? Love feels like heaven and its loss hurts like hell. When a break-up comes, expect tears, pain, sorrow and sleepless nights. It seems like you're carrying the whole world. You would always asked yourself: "Will I be able to move on?" Of course you can, if you are willing to help yourself!

Moving on is not easy. It is a process. It takes time. How will you be able to move on when all those memories keep haunting you? How will be able to go on with your life when you lost someone who is your greatest dream? Your future? Your beloved? Will you just let yourself to be trapped? Or just bless the parting and move on? Choose the latter? How?

You have to accept it! Face the reality, and then detach! Release! Forgive and start a new life.

Acceptance is very important. It is a way that you can make peace with yourself and the other one involved. Understand that almost everything in this world is impermanent, thus always give yourself a room for a change. That's reality! That's the truth. It hurts, yes it does, but it can set you free so just face it.

Next is detachment or release. According to Morrie Swartz, "detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience or emotion penetrate you, on the contrary, you let it penetrate it fully." That's how you are able to leave it. Don't be a great pretender. It will do you no good. Cry if you want! Feel the pain! Don't run from it because it will go after you. It will hurt you. If you are so afraid to feel the pain, you would not be able to recognize it, and you can't move on then. But once you let the emotion penetrate you, you'll get acquainted with it. So, you don't have to dwell on that emotion forever. Once you feel the pain, you know it's pain. Upon recogniozing it, you can say, "Oh! I know it's pain and I'm through with it. I must put this aside." That was Morrie taught Mitch during that latter's 6th Tuesday visit with Morrie. (From the book "Tuesdays with Morrie").

Lastly, you must forgive and start a new life. Forgive yourself and the person who hurt you. It's not easy but it's worth it. Don't dwell on the past. You can never change it. Instead, focus your energy on the future.

Are you ready? Start moving on now! Don't ruin your life to a person who doesn't deserve your tears, who doesn't see your worth and doesn't love you back. Life is too short and too precious to be wasted on the crap.

This insights above helped me a lot during those times that I am heartbroken. It helped me a little bit. It gave me idea on what to do so I can moved on. That's why, I share it with you especially to those who undergo break ups. I got this insight from the JOSEPHINIAN magazine (Saint Joseph College magazine). To all heartbrokens, good luck in moving on! I'm through with it and I can say that, experiencing pain makes me more stronger. God bless!

Heartbroken

Before I went to Manila, someone courted me and had my YES to be his girlfriend. I don't have any love for him that time but still, I agreed to be his girl. My parents prohibited me to get into a relationship. "Don't get a boyfriend since you are still young for those matters" my parents always say to me. When I was 18 years old, I got boyfriend once. I loved him but still, after 3 months, I think, I broke up with him because of my parents. I felt unfair to them because I disobeyed them. He understood my reasons and promised me that he'll wait for me until I finish my studies. But, it didn't happen, he got new girlfriend 4 months after we broke up. It did hurt me much, but still I managed to move on.


I was single and happy during my being an “out of school” youth until someone courted me. He was a friend of mine. I've known him for almost one year. I met him through my cousin who happens to be his classmate. I didn't feel love for him but I gave him my sweet YES. The time he courted me, I thought that it's about time for me to have a boyfriend since I'm already 19 years old. I'm old enough to get into a relationship and in addition, I already know my limitations. He never promised to not hurt me because for him, relationship wasn't normal without getting any misunderstandings. He just told me that he will always love me. At that time that I was in Manila, we just communicated through cell phone expressing our love. We exchanged sweet words. As time goes by, I can say I was already in love with him. I gave my full trust to him. He told me that he will wait for me for my coming back. But when I got home, he always missed to send text messages to me. He said that he was just very busy with his studies and he couldn't buy load since he had many expenses because of the projects. I understood him since it was about his schooling. After two weeks of being home, we never met. Okay, I remember we met but that was just a short time like saying hi and hello. That was it. Night before we broke up, we had a small fight. It was his fault. There was a time that he bought load but never texted me even once. It hurts. I knew it from a friend of mine. I confronted him that we had misunderstanding. I stopped texted to him that night and just slept. Day after that night, we texted and he felt that I wasn't in the mood for texting. I confirmed to him that I wasn't really in the mood, after that, there, he broke up with me. At first, I was shocked with his words "let's stop this nonsense relationship". He said that he was already tired pretending that our relationship was cool and fine. Then, he admitted that he didn't really love me since from the very start. OUCH! It hurt me as if someone hit a knife into my heart. It really broke my heart into pieces. I didn't cry. Nothing fell down from my eyes even just a drop of tear. I wanted to cry to express the ache I felt inside but I couldn't. I didn't know why. All I know was I was hurt, really hurt as if there's a part of me was taken away from me. Good thing that me and my friends agreed to meet. We did things we always do like roaming around the boutiques in Maasin City. I told them what had happen to me on that day. They helped me a lot. Our activity did a great help to me to stop thinking and feeling the ache and forgot at least for a short time. When the night came, we went to a disco bar. There, I danced non-stop. Through dancing, I was able to express the hurt I felt. Some people, when they break up with their partners, commit suicide or just get themselves drunk. I was different. I didn't drink that time. I just danced and danced with my friends as my dance partners. I felt relieved that time. But when we got home to rest and sleep, there, I felt the pain again. I kept moving and change positions in my bed so i could sleep but I couldn't until the morning came. As far as I remember, I’ve never been like that before. It was my first to be like that. And, I hate to be like that. I was worried if I'd be like that until I moved on. That day, I forced myself to sleep. I kept my eyes close but it wasn't working. Whole day, I didn't have sleep even just for a minute since whenever I close my eyes I could see his text messages running into my mind. With nothing to do, I decided to go to a salon to have my hair treated and also to change my looks. I got a "bangs" hair style. At least, there's something that change in my look. The night came, after dinner, me and my friends strolled around the City proper and just went home when I felt tired and asleep. As I laid down on bed, I didn't slept immediately. It takes for a long time for me to sleep but at least, I fell asleep. Yahooo!

Days passed, I must say I moved on. I felt no pain anymore whenever I think about what had happen. Having no memories with him helped me a lot to move on that fast. Getting hurt was just normal to a person who was in love. But it depends on a person on how to handle it. Me, instead of crying in the corner, I just let myself enjoyed since for me, I should never be miserable because of a male. I just told to myself that he lost a million for breaking up with me. Hehehe! What I had experienced was never easy to me but despite that, I never done things which could show that I'm down. He don't deserve to be cried for. He was never worth my tears. Because of what he did, I became much closer to my friends. I was more open to them about my feelings. And, I also thank them for always being there for me. They never let me feel that I'm alone. Through what my ex-boyfriend did to me, I realized that there's no reason for me to be sad because I'm so loved by many. Despite what he had done, for fooling me, I thank him for some ways. Because of him, I've learned my lesson. He made me stronger by breaking my heart. Now, I'm happy with my life being committed to no one but my friends. Also, I’m ready to get hurt again. I found it very interesting. Hehehe. That was just a joke! God bless you!

Why Do I Publish in English?

Upon reading my blogs, some may noticed that my entries were all written in English instead of using my own language which is the Cebuano, or our National Language which is the Tagalog. Some will just take it for granted or some will maybe wonder why. And I'm gonna tell you all the reaons behind it.

In the first place, I made blogs to earn money in the future. To earn, I have to get more readers or followers who will maybe interested with my entries. To catch them, I wrote in English, so it would be understable for all, since it is the universal Language. Meaning, it is being used by most of the people in the world. Upon making it, I'm looking forward to get readers, not only from the Philippines but also from other countries. Other reason is to learn English more while I'm an out of school youth. And lastly, I prefer to use English because one day, I want to go abroad and getting used to English is a must then.

That was all the reasons I had. And, soon, I will make blog entries written in Cebuano or I will mix it with Tagalog or English. I hope I can do it successfully. The important thing is, that you all will like it. God Bless us all!

Out of School youth

Never in my wildest dreams I thought of myself to be an "out of school youth". It came really unexpected for me. Living in the house, always alone, and doing nothing but household chores is really boring for me. Waiting for the month of April so I can go back to school again and continue my nursing course is really tiring. While waiting, I always went to the city to see my friends who are also out of school youths like me. Food trip is the activity we always did. Whenever there were events in the city, they just texted me to come there so we could watch it together. It was also the time that I was able to sleep at my friend's house which I usually did not do during school time, and which my parents disliked because they feared we would do bad stuff. To avoid that they scold at me, I lied to them in a way that I would ask my sister for help. We pretended that I would sleep in the boarding house where she lives, as she goes to college now. But in real, I slept at my friends' house. I pleased her not to tell it to my parents. And my sister agreed. Hehehe! I never missed any event in the city. Even though I know lying is bad, I still did it since it's the only way I can jam with my friends and cope up with my loneliness. My parents permitted always everything, except for sleeping at other people's house. As far as I remember, this year was also the first time that I went to a place (Banahaw located in Macrohon) without asking my parent's permission. I never regret for going to that place but I regret in a way that I didn't ask my parent's permission. Until now, they don't know that I've been there. We didn't bring any cameras so there is no evidence. This year was also the first time that I tasted alcohol. I don't drink too much, I just drink one shot, just what they call respect for the group.

Through those events, I was able to forget being an out of school youth, because I enjoyed those times. I never regret all the happenings in my life, good or bad, because these things made me the person who I am now. And this is also the reason why I made blogs. It really helps me a lot to cope up my boredom.

My School Life

I started to enter school at the age of 4. I was a Day Care pupil for 3 years. Within these 3 years, I had many experiences to share with which I can't forget until now. While reminiscing it, I just laugh and can't believe anymore that I once had done such things. In these years, I became a muse in our faction/team. Today I think: "Was I that cute that they chose me to be the muse?" A big laugh from me! Another thing: whenever there was a singing competition for all Day Care pupil in the City, our teacher chose me as representative. Today I ask myself: "Did I have such a versatile voice that my teacher chose me instead of my other classmates?" As I sing today, I can say that I'm not a good singer. I don't really have any talent for this. I don't have an angelic and versatile voice like what other singers have. Because of this, it makes me wonder now what voices my classmates have today if our teacher preferred me to be the representative. Another big laugh from me! Even during the school programs, I sang. Hehehe! Yet another thing: Being a Day Care pupil for 3 years was sometimes tiring, so at my young age, I already knew how to cut class. I was waiting for my teacher to go to the comfort room, then I would go out the classroom and cut classes. I did it not just once but many times. After I went out, I did not went home yet, I just play outside and waited for the dismissal time so my parents won't scold me for cutting classes. Hehehe, I was only 6 or 7 years old at that time! I hope my parents don't scold when they read that now.

During grad I of my elementary years, I can still remember that my teacher assigned me sometimes to teach my other classmates how to read. During school programs, I was always member of the dance presentations on the stage. I was no longer a singer since dancing is really my passion. I was also the representative when there were academic contests in the City to compete with the other schools in Maasin. I receive an award for second or third places. I was very proud for this. I also joined the drum and bugle in our school. I was one of the lyrist that time. That was also the years when I climbed on coconut tree, as I had already mentioned in previous blog entries. That was not just for adventure but also to get coconut fruits to be bought by my teacher so I can buy paper, since I thought this is a simple way I can help my parents. I did not cut classes anymore since I took my studies seriously. I got medals as a first honor for 6 consecutive years during School year culmination. I finish my elementary degree at Malapoc Norte Elementary School.

I got my high school Diploma at Saint Joseph College. During my high school years, I learned to value friends and on how to keep secrets. I learned it from my classmates. First day of school, I was too shy. With the help of other students, I was able to adjust to my new school and new surroundings. They were all so friendly. They never treat me like a stranger. During first year, I was only in second place. On my second year, I was the first honor. Hooray! But when I was in my third year, I was on the fifth place for the first grading while second on the rest of the grading. Sadly, in my fourth year, my name was no longer on the honor list. This year, my parents got a little bit disappointed. But not to the point that I failed, I just got an average grade for my first time. I also sometimes cut class again. This made my mother very sad, and then I regretted it. How stupid of me for doing that! That's why for the rest of the grading, I studied hard and got the pride of my parents back.

College Classmates

During college, it was the time I started to live in a boarding house away from my parents. I cried every night for maybe at least 3 months since I missed them and it was my first time to live without them at my side. It was the help of my classmates, who became my close friends, to cope up with my loneliness. We studied together. We were always together during our vacant time. It was during college also that I experienced dancing on a street yelling during the Loyalty Day celebration of our school, Saint Joseph College. It was also the first time that I was able to care for a patient during our duty in the hospital. Remember, I studied practical nursing! Knowing the patients and caring about them is very exciting for me. I also experienced lots of sleepless nights for preparing our case presentation for the nursing class every month. It was all worth it since while we were learning we got bonds with our classmates. It was also during our college years when I was first time out of town. Together with, or rather because of my friends, I was able to go to Canigao Island, Bontoc, Macrohon, Padre Burgos, Banahaw and, the great place I've ever been: Bohol. What a great experience of me! I will never forget all of these until my last breath.



With classmates and friends at Blood Shrine in Bohol



My Family

My family is just composed of four members (father, mother, sister, and me). My parents came both from an ordinary family. Before they got married, they only had a simple dream: to have simple and happy life and to be able to raise their children well in a way that they can send us to school and be able to finish a college degree. These are their dreams. And this is what they did when they got married. Even if we are not rich, my parents were able to give us what we need through their hard works. And I'm proud to have them as my parents.

In my 19 years of existence, I can't say that we are happy all the time. Of course, there were problematic times, especially financial matters, but my parents doubled their hard works to solve it. Through this, it inspired me to really finish my studies. Through my parents' small business which is tinagak (abaca product), copras, and 1 motorcycle called Habal-habal in our place, my parents were be able to provide our family needs.  The motorcycle is sometimes used by my father to transport passengers from  Brgy. Malapoc Norte to Maasin City. My parents kept all problems away from us: they did not let us to help them, and often did not tell us about problems. This seems unfair to me because we are family and we should solve problems together. Still, understanding them is what I can do to help them. I know all they want for us is to not worry about problems and just to focus on our studies.

My family is very close. We always eat together and talk about the matters in school, home and work. We also go to church together during Sundays. Sometimes, we watch television together or go to the beach. We have happy moments when being together, even though, as what I mentioned before, we were not all the time happy. There were misunderstanding and quarrels, but when having this, we wouldn't let the day pass without fixing this up. There were also times when it took days to fix it.

Let me tell you a short story about my family on why we became four. When my parents got married, they only planned to have just one kid so they can raise the child very well since they are not so well off. And by this, my older sister was born. As she grew up, she played alone during days. She didn't have any playmate since they lived in a place without neighbors that time. During nights, my sister always cried, asking my parents to buy a baby so she can have playmate. Because of this, my parents made me. And this is how we became four. Hehehe!

With all what happened in our family life, I can say that we became closer and stronger. I know trials, challenge and problems are inevitable. All we can do is to help each other. We can pass everything that matters. We will work hand in hand to solve those trials, challenges and problems that will come to our family. All I can say is even a single moment, never in my whole that I will regret for being in the family where I belong. I love my imperfect ordinary family. God Bless our families!

The Way I Am

Letting you know more about me is what I aim to. Through the responsibilities and positions I am in, you can point out what kind of person I am. And here, i'm gonna tell you who I am.

Being a Daughter

I won't say I am a versatile daughter. I have many flaws and weaknesses. But everything I will do in the name of my parent's happiness and satisfaction. Through my studies, by getting good high grades, I got the pride of my parents. On the other side, what-ifs and what-could-have-beens are the things I am afraid of. What if I can't give them what they want? What could have been if I make them disappointed? Still, the pressure is in me but I'm trying my best just for them, to make them realize that all their hard works and sacrifices are all worth it. At home, I could say that I'm not that industrious. A little laziness is in me but still, I help them doing household chores. That's the least I could do for my parents as of now being an out of school youth.

Me and my parents were very closed. In fact, they still treat me like a baby. Hehehe! I shared things to my Papa and Mama but I'm not open to them when it comes to my problem, because for me, I don't want to add up my problems to theirs. I know that they had many things to worry about. I just don't want them to worry about me. It hurts me when I heard that somebody tried to violate my parents emotionally by making backfights, but even through this hurt, I can think of taking revenge on that somebody. My parents told me to just surrender it to God. That's why, I'm studying and I will study hard, so I can give a better life to my parents as a return of their sacrifices and hard works for us. This is how much I love them. I love you Mama and Papa.

Being a Younger Sister

Being a younger sister, I still have the responsibilities to be a good one. But me and my sister could be considered as cat and dog. Whenever we are together, we fuss and fight. We make word-fighting even just for a simple thing and nonsense matters. I don't know why we are like that. I could not explain. Whenever we are apart, we missed each other. Was it a stupidity of us or just me? I don't know. When she is closed to other person of my age, i get jealous and vice versa. But how come we became close if whenever we stay in one place, we fight. We always have misunderstandings. On the other hand, even if we are like that, we still shared more precious moments together as siblings than the fights. Even if the anger and madness are still there, when my sister asks for help from me, for instance with assignments and school projects, all of those fade. And she has done the same way to me. Whenever one of us got problems, the sisterhood wins between us. And as I have done this year, for financial considerations, I chosed to be an "out of school youth" for her to allow her to finish her two-year degree college course. That's one of the biggest sacrifice I ever did in my life. So, what will be your judgement? Am I a good sister or not?

Being a Friend

"It is easier to find a boyfriend or girlfriend than to find a true friend". "We can have million of friends but only few can be consider as true friends". These are some of the friendship lines which inspire me for having a friend. I'm a choosy type of person when it comes to friendship. I can be friendly to those persons whom I want to be my friends. And if I don't like a person, I won't make friends with her/him. I'll maybe smile to them, not a fake smile, but I won't consider them as my friend. Whenever I had a friend, I became dependent to them in a way that if I had some decisions to make, I'll rather ask their opinions than my parents. And when I go to the city, I can't stroll around the place without a companion. One of them should be with me when I roam around the city. In short, I don't want to be alone. When they also have decisions to make, especially about love, I'll just tell this to them: "Whatever their decisions are, I'm just here at their back, supporting them". This is what I always told them. When they fail with their decisions, I give my shoulder or the whole me for them to cry and lean on. I'm just here, ready to comfort them. This is what friends are for. As a generalization, I'm willing to share the worst and best things with my true and best friends.

Me Being Me

Part 2:
 Sometimes, people think that I'm "suplada" because of the way I look and on how I speak. There are times that I heard that there are some who are afraid of me. Knowing it, I just laugh at it. Am I a monster for them to be scared of me? Some also likes and others hate me. And it is fine with me since I can't please everybody to like and love me the way I am.

With my "maldita" looks, there is still a good side inside of me. Like this kind of situation: it breaks my heart whenever I see beggars, especially those who are young. Some people hate it when those beggars asked anything from them. But me, I will never hate them. Why should I? They inspire me to strive hard for life. They are the reasons why I thank God for putting me where I am now. They are the one who reminds me that I'm so lucky for having a house to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear, and loved ones who care for me. Because of this, whenever they asked from me, if I have, I will share it to them.

I'm just a simple girl with simple dreams to reach for and who wants a simple life. I'm a simple type of person. One can easily make me feel happy. Simple things make me happy. Being me, honestly, I can say that I'm not a good person since as a human being, I'm not perfect. I have many imperfections in life. I'm just a type of person who is not that so called "plastic". I don't want to mingle with people whom I don't like and hate to accompany with. I'm good to those who are good to me and bad to those who have done me bad things. But still, for the people I love and for those who are close to me, I'm still willing to do everything just to make them happy. On the other hand, if I can feel that my goodness was being abused, well, they will see the monster in me. Hehehe!

Sometimes, people make backfights with me. This is inevitable for humans since all of us have insecurities in life. I'm looking forward into it. People are free to judge or say things about me. Whatever it is, good or bad, I will accept it with all my heart. I care the hell about their opinions. All I care are those people I love and who love me and people who are always there for me through thick and thin. Backfighters and my haters have freedom to hate me. The thing is, do I like them? And I'm provoking them to get to know me being Fe Analiza Acasio Alico.

Me Being Me

Part 1:

All human beings have loves and hates. And, as a human being, it is impossible for someone to just love or just hate everything in this world. Love and hates always collide. But ooops, wait, I'm not talking about lovelife. I will be talking about me, myself and through my loves and hates, you will be able to see my reflection and know me being me.

I'm gonna share to you the things that I love and hate.  Let's talk first about my loves. When I was younger, I really liked to dance. In fact, I always performed dance presentation during school or barangay programs until I got to college. Even if the audience was just a small group, I still danced gracefully; at least, I had shown my talent. Also, my mother thought that I will become a lesbian since I don't liked to play with dolls; instead, I played boys' toys like beyblades, toy guns, trucks, robots, etc. When it comes to food, my favorites are vegetables, pork, cara beef, chicken and few seafoods. And now, I also want to hang out with friends. This is maybe because when I was still young, my parents won't let me to go out of our house often. In fact, I was just there at the window, looking outside, got envy seeing children of my age outside playing different games ... And most importantly, I love adventures. In fact, when I was still in elementary school, in grade four to be exact, I tried to climb to a coconut tree because of my fancy of adventures, and I was so boastful that I reached the top. My mother knew it so she went there and didn't know whether she should scold me or not while I was still at the top of the tree. She was afraid that if she scold me, I will get scared and jump from the top. So, she just talked to me and gently asked me to come down, and I did. But when we got home, she scolded me and convinced me with a little physical force never to do it again. I cried and cried, but then again, I never really regret it. At least, i did such an adventurous thing and I'm ready to face the consequences. I also love to travel but the problem is the money. I can't afford to travel to other places. Huhuhu! Still, I have a positive outlook in life. Soon, when I get a stable job and earn enough money, I can travel wherever I want. Traveling to Manila and Bohol are the only long trips I have done in my 19 years of existence. It was like a dream come true to me. Thanks to our German friend who brought us there. I really treasured that moment of my life. Hope I can travel again soon. Hehehe!

If there are things that I love, there must be things that I hate and afraid of. One of these are cats. When I was younger, I could not remember how many times I got fever because of my fear to them. I'm just afraid of their voices and mostly their looks. I really hate seeing them, And now, I'm still afraid of them but I'm not getting fever anymore unlike before. Also I am scared of big ants, which I prefer to call king and queen of ants. I hate them since the one time they bite me, so that I got fever after a few minutes. I am allergic to them. I'm also afraid of the dark since I imagine that there's something horrible behind that darkness. I imagine white ladies, dwarfs, ghosts, etc. On the other hand, I'm not afraid of seeing horror movies! When we talk about food, fish is what I dislike the most. I really don't eat any kind of them. I don't like their smells and their flesh. For me, it's yucky because they eat humans who died in boat accidents. How silly of me to think that kind of matter. But, this is me! Hehehe. And the most thing I am afraid of and really hate to happen is to be alone. I don't want to feel that way. For me, if I'll be alone, I will die. But then again, I'm being optimistic. I'm holding to the saying "No man is an island" so I will never be and feel alone.

With those things I hated and afraid of, you may think that I'm coward to be afraid of those stuff which are smaller than me. You may also think that I'm silly for thinking and imagining those stupid and non-sense things. But, what can I do?! This is just the real me. For those who think I'm coward, it's free to think what you want to think about me but let me tell you this: I may that be that coward but I can be a strong person just for the people I love. I can be stronger more than what you think!

Surprise For a Friend

Preparing a surprise birthday gift for the one who is special to my heart is one of the most exciting things I ever did in my life. I have done it to my family many times but not yet to a friend. And this is what makes it an exciting one for me.

Last August 19, it was Yhing's birthday. The days before this date, we didn't talk about it when we were together, pretending that we forgot her birthday. Whenever we realized that she is going to talk about her birthday, me and Donna tried our best to change the topic. Even when we were exchanging text messages by phone, we didn't mention it, and instead we talked about the usual things what we will do on the coming days. We told her that it would be a busy day for us, we have lots of work to do in our house, and so on. When that day came, Yhing sent a message containing: "Wa jud nang.greet dahhh..:(" to be exact, if only she knew our plans for her, for her special day. Hehehe. I did phone calls to our friends Donna and Rozel and to Yhing's boyfriend Jingle to talk about what to do with the surprise birthday gift. We agreed to contribute money in any amount so we can buy the gift. We never sent text messages to her, also not replying to hers. We did not let her know that we were in the city already. To figure out where she is, we just texted Jingle so that our ways wouldn't crossed while we were buying the surprise gift. That time, Yhing get a little bit mad at poor Jingle because he was always texting so that she (with irritation) always asked him who he was texting to, not knowing that it was us. Getting mad, she decided to go home. Ooooohhh no, that shouldn't be! We haven't finished buying the gift. So, we told Jingle to do anything to please her for her not to go home. And thank to God, Jingle did a good job and she stayed away from home. After we bought the gifts which are cake, balloons, and pansit bihon, we went immediately to her house. When we came there, her family was also surprised as they didn't know our plan. We hide at her room and texted her boyfriend to bring her back into her house. Her older sister commanded her to get her niece out of her room. then, she followed. As she opened her room's door...Surprise! ... "Happy birthday, happy birthday to you!" she could hear us singing. Seeing her face, she was really surprised with tears of joy in her eyes. Yahoooo! ... Our plan was successful!

Even if it was just simple, we know that we make our friend happy on her special day. We did special things to her. We really love her. No one can take this precious moments we had on her birthday.  Friend can't be bought by money that's why we treasured our friendship and this is how we showed our love for her. God bless to all of us!

Biking ...

Have you experienced smiling alone whenever you think about one thing that already happened? Just like me, I did it many times! Let me share to you one of the reasons of my smiles. Hmmmp... I know what you are thinking but sorry, you're wrong ... it's not about love. For you to know it, let's start...

July 31, 2010, Saturday at 4:51 in the afternoon, I considered this day as one of those unforgettable and memorable days I've ever had for my entire life. I won't ever forget this because it is the day that the thing I dreamed to learned since my childhood, at the same time afraid to try, came true. Wanna know what it is?

Since my childhood, I dreamed to have a bicycle and to learn how to ride it but the chance never let me. Just a normal bike! I am not talking about motorbikes; sure, riding a motorbike would be even better, but I am talking here just about those bikes where you really have to move your feet to get it going. Seeing others on bike made me envious. Sometimes, I just imagined myself doing such a thing. Actually, there were times when my friends offered to teach me how to ride it but I refused since I was afraid. It's not the injury that I was afraid of. There was something worrying on my mind if I try it. I can't point what it was but maybe it was my mother who might be mad at me if I did it, or I was just afraid of other's tease.

Until the time came, that I had the will and determination to practice it. Maybe, I was just encouraged by my cousin seeing him riding it and doing some basic exhibitions. So, I borrowed his bike. And you know what, I was sick that time suffering from fever and LBM but still I practiced biking. At first, I found it difficult. My cousin assisted me but he suddenly stopped. He was irritated about my complaints for him pushing me too fast. With this, I tried on my own and to my own surprise, I suddenly knew it, I know how to handle it even if there's still rough moves but at least I can drive it without any assistance. Yahooooooo!

I was so very happy that time. I can't really believe it. Before, I thought I need weeks or months to master it but now it took only less than an hour for me to learn. On the next day, I was suffering from muscle ache for three days but it was fine with me because the payment for that pain is my achievement; an achievement that will last. Pains are worth it. It's silly to say this but it's true. Now, thinking about it, smile never fades from my face. I just laugh at myself thinking of those years I've wasted, because in just a day or an hour, to be exact, my dream came true. Now, I always go to my aunt's house every Saturday just to borrow their bicycle.

I know you will just laugh at it but what can I do, it's the truth. And I'm proud to say that I made it after a long time of waiting. I'm so proud of myself!

My first posting ...

Liza, Azil, Baby Fe, Fe, Very Good and Pagod; these are the names my neighbors, friends and family, respectively, preferred to call me instead of calling me through my real name Fe Analiza. I'm already 19 years old living at Brgy. Malapoc Norte, Maasin City, Southern Leyte. I'm just an ordinary girl coming from an ordinary family and I'm proud to say that I belong to this kind of family.
As everybody, I have many ambitions, goals to reach and dreams to actualize for they say "No human being alive has no ambition. Even the laziest among us who has 'no ambition' has the ambition to have no ambition." My ambitions focus on giving good life to my family. I don't dream to become one of the richest people in the country or world. Not having financial problems and can buy anything what we need is enough for me.

I also want to help people who are in need especially those people with illness. I want to touch people's lives through caring for them. That is why I studied Nursing in college. As of this year, I graduated from the two year Practical Nursing course. I was supposed to be 3rd year nursing student in UC (University of Cebu) but I stop. Why did I stop? Let's talk about it a little bit later. During my school days, I made my parents so proud of me for I'm always one of the top in our class. In my elementary years, I was a consistent first honor from grade I to VI. It became a way for me to become a full scholar when I was first year in high school and half-scholar for the remaining three years. During college, I was a full scholar and proud to say that I graduated with special award during our clinical graduation.

"We can never tell what would tomorrow bring us". I love this line for I can compare it to my current situation. Maybe most of you wonder why I stop my studies. Financials could be mentioned as reason, but the main reason is that I stopped to give way to my elder sister so she can finish a college course, even just a two-year course. This maybe the biggest sacrifice I ever made in my entire life. My life could be boring now but I never regret even once. Thinking of my sister marching towards the stage to get her diploma makes me inspired to be more happy and satisfied with the decisions I have made for her. I never thought that I could experience this kind of situation. I'll be doing this blog until I can go back to school or get a job. This could be my pastime. Hope you will like my blog......