Moving On: A 3-Step Process

"Baby, I found someone new. Will you set me free?"

"This relationship is not working. It is better to end this."

"Oh, I"m sorry darling, but I'm not inlove with you anymore."

Ouch! It hurts, right? Love feels like heaven and its loss hurts like hell. When a break-up comes, expect tears, pain, sorrow and sleepless nights. It seems like you're carrying the whole world. You would always asked yourself: "Will I be able to move on?" Of course you can, if you are willing to help yourself!

Moving on is not easy. It is a process. It takes time. How will you be able to move on when all those memories keep haunting you? How will be able to go on with your life when you lost someone who is your greatest dream? Your future? Your beloved? Will you just let yourself to be trapped? Or just bless the parting and move on? Choose the latter? How?

You have to accept it! Face the reality, and then detach! Release! Forgive and start a new life.

Acceptance is very important. It is a way that you can make peace with yourself and the other one involved. Understand that almost everything in this world is impermanent, thus always give yourself a room for a change. That's reality! That's the truth. It hurts, yes it does, but it can set you free so just face it.

Next is detachment or release. According to Morrie Swartz, "detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience or emotion penetrate you, on the contrary, you let it penetrate it fully." That's how you are able to leave it. Don't be a great pretender. It will do you no good. Cry if you want! Feel the pain! Don't run from it because it will go after you. It will hurt you. If you are so afraid to feel the pain, you would not be able to recognize it, and you can't move on then. But once you let the emotion penetrate you, you'll get acquainted with it. So, you don't have to dwell on that emotion forever. Once you feel the pain, you know it's pain. Upon recogniozing it, you can say, "Oh! I know it's pain and I'm through with it. I must put this aside." That was Morrie taught Mitch during that latter's 6th Tuesday visit with Morrie. (From the book "Tuesdays with Morrie").

Lastly, you must forgive and start a new life. Forgive yourself and the person who hurt you. It's not easy but it's worth it. Don't dwell on the past. You can never change it. Instead, focus your energy on the future.

Are you ready? Start moving on now! Don't ruin your life to a person who doesn't deserve your tears, who doesn't see your worth and doesn't love you back. Life is too short and too precious to be wasted on the crap.

This insights above helped me a lot during those times that I am heartbroken. It helped me a little bit. It gave me idea on what to do so I can moved on. That's why, I share it with you especially to those who undergo break ups. I got this insight from the JOSEPHINIAN magazine (Saint Joseph College magazine). To all heartbrokens, good luck in moving on! I'm through with it and I can say that, experiencing pain makes me more stronger. God bless!

Heartbroken

Before I went to Manila, someone courted me and had my YES to be his girlfriend. I don't have any love for him that time but still, I agreed to be his girl. My parents prohibited me to get into a relationship. "Don't get a boyfriend since you are still young for those matters" my parents always say to me. When I was 18 years old, I got boyfriend once. I loved him but still, after 3 months, I think, I broke up with him because of my parents. I felt unfair to them because I disobeyed them. He understood my reasons and promised me that he'll wait for me until I finish my studies. But, it didn't happen, he got new girlfriend 4 months after we broke up. It did hurt me much, but still I managed to move on.


I was single and happy during my being an “out of school” youth until someone courted me. He was a friend of mine. I've known him for almost one year. I met him through my cousin who happens to be his classmate. I didn't feel love for him but I gave him my sweet YES. The time he courted me, I thought that it's about time for me to have a boyfriend since I'm already 19 years old. I'm old enough to get into a relationship and in addition, I already know my limitations. He never promised to not hurt me because for him, relationship wasn't normal without getting any misunderstandings. He just told me that he will always love me. At that time that I was in Manila, we just communicated through cell phone expressing our love. We exchanged sweet words. As time goes by, I can say I was already in love with him. I gave my full trust to him. He told me that he will wait for me for my coming back. But when I got home, he always missed to send text messages to me. He said that he was just very busy with his studies and he couldn't buy load since he had many expenses because of the projects. I understood him since it was about his schooling. After two weeks of being home, we never met. Okay, I remember we met but that was just a short time like saying hi and hello. That was it. Night before we broke up, we had a small fight. It was his fault. There was a time that he bought load but never texted me even once. It hurts. I knew it from a friend of mine. I confronted him that we had misunderstanding. I stopped texted to him that night and just slept. Day after that night, we texted and he felt that I wasn't in the mood for texting. I confirmed to him that I wasn't really in the mood, after that, there, he broke up with me. At first, I was shocked with his words "let's stop this nonsense relationship". He said that he was already tired pretending that our relationship was cool and fine. Then, he admitted that he didn't really love me since from the very start. OUCH! It hurt me as if someone hit a knife into my heart. It really broke my heart into pieces. I didn't cry. Nothing fell down from my eyes even just a drop of tear. I wanted to cry to express the ache I felt inside but I couldn't. I didn't know why. All I know was I was hurt, really hurt as if there's a part of me was taken away from me. Good thing that me and my friends agreed to meet. We did things we always do like roaming around the boutiques in Maasin City. I told them what had happen to me on that day. They helped me a lot. Our activity did a great help to me to stop thinking and feeling the ache and forgot at least for a short time. When the night came, we went to a disco bar. There, I danced non-stop. Through dancing, I was able to express the hurt I felt. Some people, when they break up with their partners, commit suicide or just get themselves drunk. I was different. I didn't drink that time. I just danced and danced with my friends as my dance partners. I felt relieved that time. But when we got home to rest and sleep, there, I felt the pain again. I kept moving and change positions in my bed so i could sleep but I couldn't until the morning came. As far as I remember, I’ve never been like that before. It was my first to be like that. And, I hate to be like that. I was worried if I'd be like that until I moved on. That day, I forced myself to sleep. I kept my eyes close but it wasn't working. Whole day, I didn't have sleep even just for a minute since whenever I close my eyes I could see his text messages running into my mind. With nothing to do, I decided to go to a salon to have my hair treated and also to change my looks. I got a "bangs" hair style. At least, there's something that change in my look. The night came, after dinner, me and my friends strolled around the City proper and just went home when I felt tired and asleep. As I laid down on bed, I didn't slept immediately. It takes for a long time for me to sleep but at least, I fell asleep. Yahooo!

Days passed, I must say I moved on. I felt no pain anymore whenever I think about what had happen. Having no memories with him helped me a lot to move on that fast. Getting hurt was just normal to a person who was in love. But it depends on a person on how to handle it. Me, instead of crying in the corner, I just let myself enjoyed since for me, I should never be miserable because of a male. I just told to myself that he lost a million for breaking up with me. Hehehe! What I had experienced was never easy to me but despite that, I never done things which could show that I'm down. He don't deserve to be cried for. He was never worth my tears. Because of what he did, I became much closer to my friends. I was more open to them about my feelings. And, I also thank them for always being there for me. They never let me feel that I'm alone. Through what my ex-boyfriend did to me, I realized that there's no reason for me to be sad because I'm so loved by many. Despite what he had done, for fooling me, I thank him for some ways. Because of him, I've learned my lesson. He made me stronger by breaking my heart. Now, I'm happy with my life being committed to no one but my friends. Also, I’m ready to get hurt again. I found it very interesting. Hehehe. That was just a joke! God bless you!